The Fight for The Freedom of the Mind, Winter Park, Play, Dave Matthews Band

“And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against any idea, religion, or government that limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about.”
— John Steinbeck 

Greetings from Winter Park, Colorado.  I’m sitting in a room in a lodge that was built in the late ’70s, lots of wood, a movie star mirror with the large bulbs protruding from the wall.  2 twin beds occupy this room, I’m alone, the rest of my crew, all 14 are in other similar outfitted rooms.

I’m on a retreat with 14 men and one woman; I should say we are down to 13; one of our team lost a good friend and attended a funeral.  But it’s a full house, and we are at a world-famous resort. Although it’s membership-only, one of our group members is also a member here; some very famous and influential people belong here; I’m wondering, how the heck did I get here!

Well, I got here by driving from my mountain house, it is about an hour and a half drive.  A couple of weeks ago, my friend Mike called, he was going to be in town, his daughter Rayne was celebrating a birthday; I invited him and his family to stay with us to celebrate.  The date was October 7th. So on Monday of this week, I was asked, “when is your retreat?” I answered, “the 7th.”  

My wife looked at me; you mean the date you invited Michael and his family out for a birthday party for Rayne?  For the umpteenth time in my life, I made an unforced error.  On the one hand, I would miss my friends, but I was happy my wife would have company; I got some great photos, they had a birthday celebration, it always works out.

We all arrived about 1:00, we sat in our comfortable room in our nice chairs, and our leader, a female, started the discussion.  Our purpose is to become the best human beings we can be; we talk about issues and things that we may or may not seek help from others. Each year we have a theme; this year, the theme was “play,” what is play, and how do we include it in our lives.

It was a good conversation, one of our members is ultra-competitive; he’s a hockey player, very athletic, he was stuck on the winning and losing aspect of play.  But after our discussion, one of our workshops was to go “play.” So I went outside and gathered about ten rocks and sat at a table and made a Cairn.   I like making Cairn’s; it’s a hobby; we have them on our property in the Midwest and Colorado, so what is a Cairn?  A Cairn is a simple stacking of stones.   They are used to help hikers follow the trail on longer hikes.

My ultra-competitive friend went to the woods and recalled a time when he was a kid, and he lived in Canada and would canoe to an island with friends and make things. So he took an old stump, made some teeth, shot a photo, and I was shocked that he made what looked like an alligator. So we all ended up on the deck throwing bean bags until someone hit the hole; it was a 25 feet throw. Eventually, one of us hit it, and we went inside.

We discussed our experience, why we did what we did.  I’ll not share the others’ work, but building a Carin seemed like a logical thing to do for me.  It represents my life today, the hiking, the duality of life, the knowledge that sometimes the rocks fall, but they can be put back together, life is shaky at times, enjoy the stacking and the shifting of time and place.

We will have breakfast in an hour; I’ll shower, head down, eat with my crew, have more “work” to do, it’s mind work, how can we expand our minds, connect with other men to use the hubris of all to improve ourself. Then, about 11:00 or so, we will all hug, not lite hugs, strong, well-intentioned hugs, these are my brothers, we share a common bond. 

I’ll leave here and head back home; we are hosting some friends from Indiana; we will see Dave Matthews tonight, pack tomorrow, and begin our journey back east on Sunday.  My friends were all intrigued last night about my sobriety.  Isn’t it hard not to drink at an event like this?  I shared, nope, I had a concert on Friday, a wedding on Saturday, a reception on Sunday, and now this, if I made an exception every time I would like to drink, sober October would be a few days. 

I have clarity; I have excellent memories of my time here and had great discussions with my brothers last night.  One fantastic friend reminded me that the first time we met, he was not a fan.  He could not figure out what I was about, doing, how in the hell I was an “insurance professional.”  But he said, “over time, I got it, you are your being, you don’t care what others think?”  You live with reckless abandon, only connecting with those that accept you for who you are.  I’m paraphrasing, but in essence, he hit the nail on the head.

The reason I am who I am is I don’t care what others think of me; I have lived this life for 52 years, I’ve had a bit of success, I’m married to a beautiful woman with three amazing kids, a few grandkids on the way, the proof is in my pudding, as my friend Oscar said: “be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

Well, there you have it, the words from a man on a men’s retreat having a great time exploring his mind, winding the stretch of what I know those things I’ll need to know moving forward.  I trust these words find you in a good place, maybe you too are on a retreat in a world-unknown ski resort, or perhaps you are in your home wondering how you might find your way to this place.  I’ll remind you that anything is possible; I grew up in the cornfields and now sit surrounded by history, great friends that care about myself and my family, and a highway that helps expand my mind.

“And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against any idea, religion, or government that limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about.”
— John Steinbeck