Resilient Leaders, Don’t Look Back, Own your Shit

“The most transformative and resilient leaders that I’ve worked with throughout my career have three things in common: First, they recognize the central role that relationships and story play in culture and strategy, and they stay curious about their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Second, they understand and stay curious about how emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are connected to the people they lead and how those factors affect relationships and perception. And, third, they have the ability and willingness to lean into discomfort and vulnerability.”
— Brené Brown

Good morning, 6:00 a.m. here; I was up earlier but stayed in bed and watched the sun come up, a guilty pleasure I enjoy when west.  Todays’ sunrise was magical, as was yesterday’s, the day before, and so on.  I got up, made the coffee, fed the dog, let the dog out, and am now ready to pen some words together to form a literary soup.  Ingredients and ideas help me cleanse my mind and challenge you to think about a new idea or concept.

We did sign up for the positive intelligence course I have spoken about the last five days; it’s a 7-week course; I hope to learn the process and eventually teach it to others.  My Queen and three others will take the course together.  The dog has a routine, eat, go outside, come in and jump on my bean bag and then go back up and get in bed with my Queen.   She’s a 40-pound dog that thinks she weighs 5 pounds.

My friend Barret is a fountain of good information.  He sends me choice cuts now and then, and sometimes I think it worthy of sharing.  The word resiliency has been touted during and now after the pandemic.   To me, the word can be defined by one’s ability to bounce back during a challenging event.

I could change some of the words in this article. But think that the author hits the nail on the head.  So here is the work of Marcel Schwantes.

5 Tricks the Most Resilient Leaders Use to Deal With Tough Situations

Marcel Schwantes

If someone just read you the riot act or had your ass handed to you, welcome to being human. Conflict and drama happen, and sometimes it takes a chunk out of you.

After licking your wounds, recovering emotionally from a challenging work episode doesn’t happen with a flip of the switch. But, as a leader, you must move on at some point to keep your sanity.

Here are five game-changing ways resilient leaders manage their emotions after a crisis and bounce back to true form.

1. Assess your situation.

Resilient leaders use their emotional intelligence to do an honest self-appraisal of the situation(s) that may make them feel threatened. They process their thoughts carefully and drill down until they get to the root of the matter. Questions to ask: What is it about your situation that makes you feel the way you do? What needs closure? Get perspective and process your feelings if unresolved emotions still linger before something irrational happens. If you don’t, you’ll feel perpetually frustrated and angry.

2. Reframe.

While healthy egos may take a hit in a crisis, resilient minds recover quickly by reframing. Think of it as a technique to “tell yourself a different story” and come up with a different interpretation. Reframing helps to snuff out the perpetual drama that you may be scripting in your head. To reframe effectively, deal in the factual (what’s really true for you) and in the here and now. Leave the ghosts of your past in the past.

3. Set clear boundaries.

Perhaps what hit you so hard was your lack of setting limits on others. Maybe you were falsely accused of something that could’ve been avoided. The most resilient leaders I know and have coached recover from bad situations by saying “no” to anyone who interferes with their goals, schedules, and especially their values and beliefs. So, remind yourself you don’t have to be a “yes” person for anyone; it takes too much effort and leaves you frustrated. Instead, offer resistance when your beliefs and values are threatened. Push back firmly but not harshly, and draw clear lines in the sand.

4. Let go of the guilt.

Resilient leaders don’t allow themselves to feel guilty about things that have nothing to do with them. Once they clear their side of the fence with honesty and integrity, they understand that they’re not responsible for the actions and drama of others, and they never beat themselves up for something someone else did.

5. Reevaluate professional relationships.

Resilient leaders are smart enough to reconsider the risks and rewards of their networks to keep them safe and serve them well. As a leader, your best bet to avoid future finger-pointing your way is to seek out a trusted inner circle of supportive and encouraging colleagues. At the same time, weed out controlling or needy takers who care only about themselves.

Well, good stuff?  I think so; I think the one that resonates with me the most is not looking back.  Our cousin and her husband recently moved to Wyoming, they were driving through town last night, and they stopped by to see the new house.  We sat at the kitchen island for four hours and caught up on life, liberty, and our respective pursuit of happiness.  They are retired, we are enjoying our work, it was interesting to get their perspective.

My wife shared that some people hold on to the past; they can never let go; they are stuck.  But we, she, and I look forward.  Is life perfect? Nope.  Life will never be perfect, but your outlook and self-awareness allow you to live a positive and meaningful life.  When something negative happens, it is an opportunity to find a gift, a lesson to learn, or a “well, I won’t do that again!”   

Think about a time in the past few months when something didn’t go your way and focus on letting it go.  So many times, we humans have a way of replaying the hand, allowing our minds to tell us we are flawed (which we are), but the mind can be quiet when reminding us of our talents and attributes that make us gift humanity.  And I do believe everyone is a gift, remember there is no one you-er than you. 

I hope you got something out of this soup; I did, and that is why I take 41 minutes every morning and try and share something that one or two others might find enlightening.   I don’t know the reach or impact of my work. Nor do I put much thought into what this soup providing to the universe.  I just know that I have been given a directive to share and if you find it helpful, enjoy.  If I trigger you, and I know I do, I’m sorry, but you do you, and I’ll do me.

“The most transformative and resilient leaders that I’ve worked with throughout my career have three things in common: First, they recognize the central role that relationships and story play in culture and strategy, and they stay curious about their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Second, they understand and stay curious about how emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are connected to the people they lead and how those factors affect relationships and perception. And, third, they have the ability and willingness to lean into discomfort and vulnerability.”
— Brené Brown